Boredom is Not Your Problem

Why boredom is a symptom of something else

“He who fortifies himself completely against boredom fortifies himself against himself too. He will never drink the most powerful elixir from his own innermost spring.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

John Eastwood, director of the Boredom Lab at York University believes that boredom is a ‘crisis of meaning.’ It invites us to ask difficult questions of ourselves and the world around us.

Boredom is a powerful state that signals you to rethink how you relate to the world — to self-reflect. Because self-reflection is often difficult, uncomfortable, and painful, boredom becomes escapism. You grab your phone, open Netflix, text someone, turn on the TV, eat, drink, smoke, gamble, have sex, or any number of other things we’ve developed tastes for that prove effective in thwarting boredom.

Boredom triggers escapism, and we often find our escape in technology. I use video games as an amazing example of avoiding the real world with my clients a lot. If you can zone out for a while in another world, you can safely avoid difficult personal work.

I was an avid gamer once upon a time, but it’s not good for me because of my personality elevates it to an unnecessary level. Now, I’m not picking on gaming. I’m just using it as an example. You could make the same argument about a lot of activities.

The more entertained you are, the more entertainment you need.

When people were busy running from lions, tigers, and bears, boredom wasn’t a state of mind often encountered. Human beings of that age spent all their time acquiring food, clean water, and shelter; they simply didn’t have time to become bored.

Fast-forward to today. We have access to seemingly infinite entertainment options, and that reality is feeding boredom rather than discouraging it. We have entertainment immunity — a tolerance has been developed because the threshold to feeling ‘entertained’ gets bumped up a little more all the time.

The company of others is an unobtrusive antidote to boredom

I am admittedly ALWAYS on my phone. As a matter of fact, I have two: personal and work. Even as ridiculous as my life is personally and professionally, I still spend an unnecessary amount of time using these devices, but a funny thing happened recently: I left my work phone in the truck, and put my personal phone on the charger.

This wasn’t an exercise in discipline, a dare, or anything like that. It literally just needed to charge (probably because I’m on it all the time). Spending time with my loved ones, laughing, joking, cooking, and reading was a lot of fun for me. The time I spent with my family was good, and it actually made me forget my phones.

These are unique times when being without comforting distractions is almost unfathomable, but some people do this all the time. Between my “essential” work, family, and close friends, I always have the solace of the company of other people. Is that a bad thing? Well, yes and no. I’d rather spend time with my boyfriend or have game night with some friends than venture into the jungle in my head. So the problem, for me at least, is that people sometimes become a crutch. Being content with being alone isn’t an easily acquired ability.

Activities are not the same as action.

Busybodies are fascinating people. They’re constantly doing stuff. What kind of stuff? I don’t know — all kinds of stuff. Why are they doing stuff? They’re running from boredom. They say there’s just so much to do, but the reality is they probably don’t want to spend time with themselves.

Have you ever had a “busy day,” sat back, and wondered, “what the hell was I so busy doing all day?” Something had been accomplished, but the accomplishments weren’t nearly as numerous as the activities. A lot of times, we tell ourselves that the activities are yielding a result, but in actuality, they’re just killing time.

It’s simple avoidance behavior. People get “busy” when they’re avoiding something. For the sake of the discussion, let’s say that “something” is boredom.

Let’s also suppose there are three types of boredom.

Anxiety-induced. You’re uncomfortable, so you look for external stimuli (read: entertainment). You reach for your phone and start texting, open an app, fire up your Xbox or PS4, etc. NOT being bored means doing something, and there’s a lot of something out there to do.

Fear-induced. Confronting yourself in solitude forces you to pay attention to who you are, and this is true whether you realize it’s happening or not. This is the point where you start fishing for companionship. Loneliness is like a mirror: it reflects the good and the bad, and we’re usually afraid of spending time with ghosts of the past, the obligations of the present, and the obstacles of the future.

Thought-Induced. I remember one of the first scenes from the movie Hollow Man where Kevin Bacon’s character is sitting at his desk putzing around. He looks up at the ceiling where he posted a sign that said, “you should be working.”

That film was universally panned by critics and audiences, but I will never forget that scene because it resonated with a truth I haven't been able to put out of my mind in the eighteen years since its release: I feel the need to perpetually be busy. Without a reminder of all the things I have to do and that I should be working on them, I’ll build up all these tasks and activities into an untenable mountain of unmanageable obligations.

Your thoughts can lead you down a road to overwhelm where everything just seems like it’s too much. So you decide you’re bored because there's no point in trying.

It’s a decision

I decide to be bored whether I acknowledge the point when that decision is made or not. The challenge is identifying the source of that boredom, and it’s usually some sort of fear, anxiety, or immobilizing overwhelm.

Fear. I’m bored. I should go running. My knee still hurts a little. I shouldn’t go running because my knee hurts a little.

Overwhelm. I’m bored. I have a lot of writing to do. I have other things to do too. I could do it later. If I do it later, I’ll never get it done.

The reality is there’s always something you could or should be doing. There’s no way around that, but sometimes you should probably just sit still for a bit. That’s the beauty of meditation.

We spend an inordinate amount of time chasing things we don’t have or trying to get rid of things we don’t want. Sometimes you just need to sit still and spend time with yourself. That’s not boredom. It’s growth.