Write Your Own Story

Mold your identity by taking ownership of your narrative

I think being the author of your own narrative is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. It puts you in the driver’s seat and gives you perspective so you can live the life you want for yourself.

1. Live life on your own terms

It’s so much easier to live your life on other people’s terms whether they’re created by family, friends, coworkers, celebrities, or even strangers. The reason this mindset is so ingrained in us is it’s easier to go through the motions when everything is figured out for you already.

When your expectations are dictated and colored by what someone else wants for you rather than what you want for yourself, the hard work is already done.

If you take a couple of minutes to think about who you were a year ago — your thoughts beliefs, and vision for your own future — you’ll probably find that who you are today is heavily influenced by someone else’s idea of the ideal you, and so it’s important to ask yourself this one question:

Who is writing your narrative?

When you’re young, the world is full of potential and possibilities, but is your trajectory in line with your vision, or is it dictated by someone or something else? As the saying goes, imitation is the highest form of flattery, but it has its limits.

Thought leaders, trendsetters, and authority figures will always be there to guide and feed you ideas, but you need to be able to vet and align them with your identity.

2. Permanence is an illusion

Reconciling yourself with the temporary nature of your circumstances is humbling and cathartic. When you’re in pain, sixty seconds can seem like an eternity. When you’re having the time of your life, a minute can feel like an instant. It’s all about perspective.

I admittedly have horrible taste in movies as far as artistic value is concerned. It’s true, and I don’t care. If it’s funny, sappy, and/or stuff is blowing up, I’m happy. Anyway, I say that because I love the movie Last Holiday starring Queen Latifah.

It’s cheesy, formulaic, and completely mediocre, but I love it anyway because of the message. In the film, she’s diagnosed with an inoperable brain disease, and she’s given a very short time to live. She leads a bland penny-pinching life, but she decides to go out guns ablaze so to speak when she knows her time is limited.

The film’s message is an exploration of questions like what would you do if you only had six months to live or what would you do if you won the lottery? Nine times out of ten, your answer is vastly different from the way you currently live your life and spend your time.

What’s worse is that your hypothetical responses — having not actually been given six months to live or randomly stumbled upon a fortune — are going to be vastly different from your plans if either of those situations plays out in reality.

Just because it’s that way today doesn’t mean it has to be the same tomorrow. Just because you want one thing today doesn’t mean you’ll want the same thing tomorrow.

The idea that your current state is permanent is an illusion. The belief that your past mistakes are definitively indicative of your future is ludicrous. The thought that stagnation can’t be transformed into mobilization and motivation is simply not true.

Remember #1: you’re the author of your own story. You’re the architect of your own destiny.

3. You can’t write the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

This is an extraordinarily salient point for me because I spent years surrounded by people who live to revisit history. It’s all well and good until a memory triggers an old mindset that reawakens a bad habit.

Say you create new memories instead of looking through old photo albums. What if you write that next article instead of staring at your traffic and stats? Suppose you go on a date with someone new instead of lamenting the death of a doomed relationship?

Am I saying reflection isn’t important? Of course not. Am I suggesting that the past should be altogether forgotten? No, but I’m pointing out how easy it is to get stuck looking back.

When you have time to dwell, it’s an indication that your mind is so deeply disengaged in the present that the idea of a different future is virtually unfathomable.

Believe it or not, you’re getting better all the time! Let the lessons of yesterday influence the actions of today. Let the actions of today inspire your vision for tomorrow.

It’s your story to write. Make it count.